Assassin's Creed 4: Pyrate Simulator

You're Edward Kenway, a measly pirate with an amazing vocabulary. You stumble upon a dazed well-trained Assassin and manage to, outrun, outsmart and outfight the shit out of him out of pure skill (totally clutch). You stripped him naked, took everything on his body but had the decency to bury him.

*queue intro cinematic with epic background music*

Ass Creed 4: Black Slaves.

As is with most of the AC series, you'll stumble upon the worst law enforcement the world has ever seen. It's like you're criming around a county in the US of A where all the cops were overweight, covered in doughnut stains and were only equipped with a baton. The only thing you need to beware of are mis-jumps that get your ass desynchronized. 

The only thing dumber than the po-pos are the peopols. Above here we see the common folk trying to get around an obstacle on a bridge, only to fail and fall down into the river below (phew, close shave eh?). They can't swim tho, so you can watch them slowly drown.

Slowly watching. 

You get bored after 6 bodies.

AC4 is a masterpiece not because it's perfect. Perfect works of art aren't usually the renown famous ones, e.g. Mona Lisa is one ugly bitch. With the bugs (very manageable), screen tearing (v-sync that shit), spontaneous ship-spawning from the ocean (I'm not even mad, that's fucking amazing), it's awesome because of everything else. The voice acting is top-notch; Eddy here does sound/look/act a lot like Orlando Bloom in those pirate films. The graphics are just nice to look at everywhere you go and the missions have more variety than the others in the AC series.

You get to hunt whales and sharks! No wonder the Japanese love this game.

Too soon?

Also, this game is wonderfully racist. It's quite refreshing.

Edward would lose to a fight with his grandson tho. 

Connor's kill moveset just rekts stuff.